kUlit antOnEttE’s Blog

I’m not in an excellent mood right now that is why I’m going to write a blog about everything that bothers me. To be more specific of what I’m going to write, let say it’s all about FRIENDS. I don’t know, but something that I don’t like about having friends is the thing that you could not trust anyone. They will not last long. You can’t guarantee that they will stay long at your side. I mean for real, mostly friends come into view in happy moments, but if you really need them, then they will not show up. Believe me or not, usually friends are pretending to be calm, good, loyal, and affectionate. I won’t mention any names, but I know for sure that there are people who just love pretending in front of you. I would say that only a small number of of them will last. It always comes up to my psyche especially when I’m alone the thing that having a lot of friends is unexciting. I said it because I’ll admit that I have a lot of friends anywhere, everywhere, and it always goes like not all of them will like you; instead, they will just end up backstabbing you. Even though you will hang out with a lot of them, not all of them will talk to you the way you want to. I know it’s kind of a nonsense blog, but I couldn’t help myself to write about this kind of thing because it is bothering me and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Did you ever experience to go out with friends and then you feel like you’re out of place? I’ve experienced it, like you can’t able to hook up on what they’re talking about and you feel like you want to go or find other people that you could usually really talk. As far as I remember, it happened to me just recently and I feel like a shit doing nothing and just stare at them. Honestly, I feel tongue-tied communicating to some of my friends because of the thing that they’re like just throwing you away and you feel like you’re really alone because they will not even notice that you exist. It seemed to be that it’s better to be by yourself rather than being with people who seemed like they don’t really care about you. I guess it’s better to blend with strangers because you will just see them once, but that time you can talk to them and share things to them. I know it’s kind of creepy talking to strangers, but honestly it’s not. Its better talking to strangers than talking to your friends that you thought they’re genuine and kind, but they’re not. Just recently, I was wondering about one of my friend’s life. I will not mention her name, but she’s a whore. Well, yes it’s true. She’s pretty though, and she’s using it to get money and a guy. What a nasty work. She could just work on another job and study hard, but she’s too ambitious. Well, I’m acting too much here about her. It’s not because that I am insecure with her, but I was so pissed about what she said that is why I’m writing this piece about her. Well, enough about her because she’s just a waste of time. Even though there are a lot of fake friends, I still have some friends left whom I could trust, and some of them are old friends from my childhood, and some of them are present friends which includes my best friends, some of close friends, and a special mention to sharmaine pino. They are the people that I would say makes my day lively, and without them I’ll be like in penal complex that is sentenced inside forever.

Growing up without knowing my real father is really hard for me. It’s almost eighteen years now that I haven’t seen him, never in my life. When I was still a little kid, I was wishing that he would take me to malls and play the whole day with kid’s toys, but it didn’t happen because he was not with me. Even though he left us, I’m not blaming him because I know for sure that there are reasons why it happened. I don’t have the right to accuse him because he’s still my father and if not for him, I wouldn’t even be here. I miss him and I really want to see him as soon as possible because it’s really hard for me now especially now that my grandpa passed away already. I want to experience having a father that would buy me things that I want and discipline me like what usually fathers do. I know that today he’s having his own family and it is impossible that my mom and my dad would be together again, but it’s okay because I know that they’re happy with their own lives now. All I need is to see and hug him very tight and make him feel how I longed to see him for so many years. I’m so excited that someday I will be able to meet him and say “papa” to him. He is one of my inspirations, that’s why I’m studying hard so that someday he will be proud of me. I love my dad to death even though he’s not the one who raised me. God has reasons why he didn’t let us see each other and those reasons will sure be revealed soon. PAPA I LOVE YOU SO MUCH WITH ALL MY HEART. I MISS YOU AND I REALLY WANT TO SEE YOU SOON. I’m hoping that he will call me on my 18th birthday even though I know it is impossible.

(Ma.)Maria Antonette Pablo, the girl with such big ambition in life is soon to be a lady. After waiting for long years, people will distinguish me as a mature person and not the little girl anymore who always cry in front of people and play kiddy stuffs. It’s such a good thing to know that from being a childish girl I will turn soon to be a mature lady and enough for being immature.
In this case, it doesn’t mean that if I’ll be a lady, I would stop crying; instead I have to hide the pain that is tearing my heart and control the emotions and heartaches that until now is suffocating me and cause me to be in more pain that could not be cured. I know for sure that it will take a lot of time for me to be out of those heartaches.
Turning to be a lady will take me a lot of responsibilities and it includes the attitude towards other people. Anyways, you could not blame me if I don’t like you. I don’t like you not because of your appearance, but because of the attitude that you show me. I could easily get along with other humankinds, but I don’t give my trust easily to someone. It’s hard to grant a trust to someone especially if you experienced being betrayed by someone else.
Not all mankind here on earth are contented with their lives and I could say that I’m one of them. I haven’t found yet the real happiness that I want to experience. For short, my life is still incomplete. I’m not an imperfect person not because of material things and physical things, but because my life is missing those important people that suppose to be at my side for this very moment of my life.
I know that while you’re reading this piece of writing of mine you’re maybe wondering why I wrote this kind of thing and why I chose to write this kind of item. I’ll tell you why. It is because I want to express what is inside of me and to show you that not all things can make you happy. Instead, things will get worse time to time and it’s just a matter of time when you’re being able to survive and fight those stuffs that are making everyone’s life a misery.
As I conclude this writing, I would say that not all the time you have to be immature because time comes when we have to be serious on our tasks and our attitude to ourselves and to other people. Being a lady would be the beginning of experiencing more realistic life situations and that we should pay more attention to our behavior on anything that surrounds us.